Push
by wondertross
Summary: Anytime post HG, Logan POV. For M/L shippers to prove I'm not completely biased.


Title: Push  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own em, never have, (sob) never will.  
  
Author's note: See, I'm not completely M/L averse. This little bit of Logan angst crept into my head last night after hearing this song. You know, I never wrote song fics till I started writing DA fiction, and now I can't stop. And I don't know, it seems like Logan has some anger mixed in with his hurt, so it seemed to fit pretty well. The song is by Matchbox 20.  
  
Review: Please, love them.  
  
~*~  
  
Is my head supposed to feel like this? Is my heart? You kill me Max, your eyes, your voice, and the way you can just walk away from me, from us. Why isn't it as easy for me as it is for you? I didn't want to believe you Max, but I saw the two of you together. Is it because you can touch him? Is it because he can hold you in his arms and tell you everything is going to be okay? I want that Max, I never stopped wanting that. So I ask you, did you ever want me? Did you ever love me at all, or were you just using 'Eyes Only'?  
  
I knew it couldn't last forever, this not touching. I'm not stupid Max, I know you need someone there for you, but when was I ever not there? Why is he better than me, the man that completely screwed up our lives? Why couldn't you just send him away, like you sent me away? I could feel myself losing you Max, drifting away, but there was nothing I could do. Something had to give, but I never thought you would just give up.  
  
/She said I don't know if I've ever been good enough  
  
I'm a little bit rusty, and I think my head is caving in  
  
And I don't know if I've ever been really loved  
  
By a hand that touched me, well I feel like something's  
  
Gonna give.  
  
And I'm a little bit angry./  
  
How could you do it Max? We were forever, once. Where did forever go Max? I never gave up on you, not even when I thought you were dead. I didn't give up on you when I couldn't see you, let alone touch you. And then you gave up our best chance for a cure, for him, and I had my doubts, but I never gave up. I should have seen it then huh? But I still need you Max! I need your eyes, and your smile.  
  
Keep your distance, keep perspective, that's your mantra isn't it? But I've seen you let down your walls before, so I know you can. You're so damned worried about every little detail that you can't even let things just be right. Have you ever considered that if you just stopped thinking you could see that we've changed, but that we're still good together? You act like you're trying to protect me, but it's you that you're protecting. You've been hurt Max I get that, you've had the people you love taken away, Zack, Ben, Tinga, Brin, but I wasn't taken. You're pushing me away, afraid of what you might feel, what you do feel.  
  
/This ain't over, no not here,  
  
Not while I still need you around  
  
You don't owe me, we might change  
  
Yeah we just might feel good./  
  
So damn it Max, you're going to have to forgive my hating you right now! So yeah, I hate you for leaving, hate you for seeking solace with someone other than me. And I hate the way you still come around, asking for favors. And do you want to know the really twisted thing? In that moment I just want to push you away, to yell at you, but I can't. I hate myself for always being there, for still being there at your beckon call. And I love that you still want me at your beckon call. I want to take your being around for granted, but I ahve to be careful now, so that I don't spook you and lose you forever.  
  
/I wanna push you around  
  
I will, I will  
  
I wanna push you down  
  
I will I will  
  
I wanna take you for granted  
  
I wanna take you for granted  
  
I will/  
  
I've never lied to you Max. I may not have said all the right things at the right times, but I never lied. But you lied, didn't you? I may have been drunk, but I know you better than you think. You lied when you said you would be there.  
  
Why did it have to be him? He's so....he's so Alec. He's so very much not me. You were right to name him that Max, he's a real wise ass. So forgive me for not quite believing you when you looked up at me and said you were together. I thought I saw something in your eyes, a sadness, maybe even a pain. But you don't call, and you don't want to be around me, so I get it, okay? And damn if I don't understand wanting to touch someone. I just always thought that someone was me.  
  
/I don't know why you would ever lie to me  
  
Like I'm a little untrusting when I think that the truth is  
  
gonna hurt ya  
  
And I don't know why you couldn't just stay with me  
  
You couldn't stand to be near me  
  
When my face don't seem to want to shine  
  
Cuz it's a little bit dirty./  
  
It never stops does it? This endless circle we're stuck in. You'll never get away from me, and I'll never get away from you so long as Eyes Only lives. Because the truth doesn't end with you. Hell, life doesn't end with you, it just feels that way. But the truth revolves around your history, so you never really go away. We always seem drawn together by fate and then get held apart, just out of reach.  
  
I see you and you're civil, polite, but that's just the surface. In a weird way you're acting hurt, but you don't ahve that right Max. You're the one in the wrong here. You cheated on me, not the other way around. So you'll have to forgive my hating you right now! Don't pull shit and act nice and civil. This isn't civil, it personal and it hurts like hell, but I can't do anymore than I'm doing! So I'm not going to. I'll be here, and it's up to you to take the next step. Can you?  
  
/Don't just stand there,  
  
say nice things to me  
  
I've been cheated I've been wronged, and you  
  
You don't know me, I can't change  
  
I won't do anything at all./  
  
Things took a turn huh? Forever is only a moment, and together is an illusion. Where did we go wrong Max? I keep going back to those places where it could have been different, and I don't see why we didn't do SOMETHING. Give it time, and you'll miss me like I miss you. I want to push you around Max, screw with your head. So Max, you'll have to forgive my hating you right now. I'll get over sometime I'm sure.  
  
/Oh but don't bowl me over  
  
Just wait a minute well it kinda fell apart  
  
things get so, crazy, crazy  
  
Don't rush this baby  
  
I wanna push you around  
  
I will I will  
  
I wanna push you around  
  
I will I will  
  
I wanna take you for granted/  
  
A/N Song is "Push" by Matchbox 20. I do hope you enjoyed this. Please review. 


End file.
